Observing human behaviour in the Bracknell area

Alas! I was ill today... But hooray! That means no work for me, and another chance to not only add a new post to the blog, but discuss an observation I have made today.

Due to my illness (no, it's not AIDs, just a headache)-(no, I haven't been sticking my head up any one's bum)-(no, nobody has stuck their head up MY bum either)-(no bums and no heads are involved!).

Anyway, due to being a bit ill, I went to the doctor, as any upstanding citizen would do. However, little did I realise that even those who are not such an upstanding citizens still go to the doctors! Whilst I was sitting waiting for my name to flash up on the screen, a young lady strolled in a took a seat in her bright red puffer jacket, whilst her two delightful offspring barged into the room and proceeded to smash the whole place up. After a couple of minutes I learn the toddlers names as the mother screams out 'HOLZ!!! CONNOR!!! Get 'ere NAH!'... Holz and Connor, I'm guessing Holz is short for Hollie (as I doubt she would name her child holiday, although you never know these days with Chavs). I don't think you can get more stereotypically dregg-ish names if you tried...

I spent the next 20 minutes observing this wonderful Bracknell-ite in her natural environment, her kids running amok, playing with her tongue piercing with her teeth, and chatting really loudly on her phone, brilliant stuff. Terms such as 'PACK IT IN!' and 'DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!' were shouted through gritted teeth as she made a weak attempted to discipline her children subtly. And it wasn't just the mother that provided fantastic entertainment! Connor would be smashing his hands against the walls shouting all kinds of things at passers by, as Holz would be picking up any 'waiting room toy' she could lay her hands on, before launching it at a)the floor; b)the wall; c)her mum; and d)her little brother.

Before you ask, don't worry I was safely dodging noddy figurines as they flew passed my face, and I did cover my mouth to prevent inhalation of any chav-germs. All-in-all, very productive day of chav-observation.

Benji


full name on screen.

For some reason, when the creator of this restaurant was thinking about names for their establishment, they thought that this would be a good idea............................. unbelievable (yet comedic).

Incase you are wanting to go to this place , here's the address:

Gaylord Tandoori

26 London Road

Twyford

Reading

RG10 9ER

Go there, get a picture, go home again, laugh at the picture with mates, done.

Health and Fitness

There is something mysteriously marvellous about those items that you will never use, yet excite the soul to such a degree that the word 'SALE' whips your body into a chaotic frenzy, and before you can say 'bargain', you're fitting the stupid over sized, magnetic treadmill into your car.

What have I done.....!? I've given into the stereotypical mindset of thinking '2008, the year of health and fitness!' and bought a piece of exercise equipment. Now, I can barely stand up in my room as it shines in all its massive glory, begging for me to touch it, to have a 'jog' on it, and generally enjoy it's company. But alas! Two days of ownership and already and I sitting in front of my computer bumming around avoiding looking at it, whilst hanging dirty laundry on it's protruding arms...

I've even positioned it so that whilst I run, I can stare out of my window looking at the world around me, the free world I could be jogging in, if I wasn't such a lazy bum being a wimp to the cold and rain outside.

At least it's got an electronic 'calorie buster counter', so I make that 1-0 to the Benjmeister against the world of health :o)

Things That Make Me Happy/Smile...

22 Mar 2007

Hearing a song that I love on that radio.

Having dinner cooked for me.

Finding that the hot water bottle is still warm, when I wake up at 3am, 4 hours after I filled it up.

Unexpected presents.

Ciaran.

Finding money that I didn't realise I had.

The Mighty Boosh.

Laughing so hard that I can't breath and think I might actually die.

Family Guy.

Finding something that I really wanted, in a sale.

Going on holiday.

'Girl From Mars' by Ash.

Chocolate chip shortbread from the canteen at work. It is lush!

Watching videos we made at uni.

Taking pictures.

Reading a good book.

Seeing my friends.

Lie-ins.

School holidays.

'Can't Stand Me Now' by The Libertines.

Making people laugh.

Northern Irish accents.

Isle of Wight Festival.

Beautiful Dance Whores,

Indie Night at Porters.

Shopping.

'Let's Stick Together' by Roxy Music.

Feeding the ducks.

Snow.

Singing loudly and dancing around the house when I am the only one in.

Christmas films.

Top 100..." list shows.

Getting letters from my friends.

Air conditioning in my room when I am on holiday.

Cocktails.

Looking after Sam.

New Comments/messages/picture comments on myspace.

Wikipedia.

Text messages.

My graduation hoody.

Praise.

Waking up and not having to get out of bed right away.

Winning at Trivial Pursuit.

Anadin.

Pay day.

Winchester.

Having something to look forward to.

Babies.

Wearing flip flops in the summer.

Walking on the grass with bare feet.

Water fights.

Finally finding a photo where I think I look good.

Neck massages.

IMDB.

Moist cake.

Giving people presents.

Buying new vinyl.

Long, hot showers.

Gary Lightbody.

Talking on the phone for hours with Chantal about absolutely nothing.

Having a shimmy with friends to a song that we love.

Seeing The Flaming Lips play live.

The Happy Dance.

Drinking Games.

Cold custard.

Cold rice pudding.

My flat when it is clean and tidy.

BBC 6 Music.

Camping at festivals with my friends.

Reading post secret.

Seeing True Swamp Neglect play live, and feeling all proud of Ciaran.

Hearing my neighbours argue.

Karl Pilkington.

Debating the ''monkey/typewriter' thing with Benji.

Finishing work on a Friday.

Compliments.

Quoting films/songs/tv programmes with friends.

Wetherspoons.

Managing to pot a ball whilst playing pool.

Getting questions right in quiz games.

Memories of West Downs.

BBC2 and Channel 4.

My dogs.

Mucking around in the swimming pool on holiday.

My rock n roll glasses.

My quiff.






Kelly




Currently listening : Standing in the Way of Control By Gossip Release date: 24 January, 2006

The Flaming Lips

11 Nov 2006

Went to see The Flaming Lips at the BIC on 5th November, and it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wayne went over the audience in a big ball, they had dancing aliens and Santas on stage, a brilliant cover of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and an endless supply of balloons and streamers/confettii!!!! What more could you ask for?!

Its the second time I have seen them. I thought they were great the first time, but this time they were even better, if thats possible!!!

I order you all to go and see them!!! And take heed of what Wayne says, cos the man is a God!!!! Go!!!! Hurry!!!! Now!!!!!!!

Kelly

Currently listening : She Don't Use Jelly By The Flaming Lips Release date: 07 October, 1993

All Good Things Must Come To An End...

04 Jun 2006

Well, its finally happened, the sad day has come. I am no longer a student, and its really quite upsetting.

My last week as a tax dodger was spent bashing out two essays, revising for an exam on Friday. So when I got to the end of the week, I thought that I would feel relieved or maybe happy that it was over. But oddly, I just feel a bit empty.

My exam was 3 hours long, and I left half an hour early, because I had written everything I could, and thought that I had done enough. Not sure if that is a good thing or not, but it's done now, so no going back. So, I raised my hand to say I had finished, got up, grabbed my bag, and sadly walked out of the room, only to find myself unable to open the door, and knowing that everyone was looking at me. Damnit!!! Why isn't 'entering and exitng a room in a cool manner' a module choice?! Then I walked out of West Downs for what may be the last time. And it made me sad. Thats where it all started, and thats where it was ending! So many happy memories, I want to go back and do it all over again! But obviously I can't, so i'm just going to relive a few of them here!

Firstly, there was my amazing first year as a resident of House 9. I remember feling sick with nerves the night before I moved in, babbling things like "What if i don't like them?" or "What if they don't like ME?!" But, i got there, and i loved them, and they thought i was alright, and now I don't know how I ever lived without them...

In the words of Leslie, House 9 was full of "good times, good times". Evenings spent in Ruthio's room. Being chucked out of Ruthio's room for making too much noise. Hanging out of my bedroom window and chucking wet blobs of toilet tissue at Ruthio's window below. The Robcakes/Benji's guitar hostage situation. Robcakes in general. The first game of centurion. Leslie vomitting on Emma's bedroom window. The mystery of the stolen paddling pool. The painting of our notice board. Donning aprons and stealing Ben's food but being caught. Trying to put the microwave in Ben's cupboards and getting caught. Water fights, being told "enough!" by the wardens. Dressing up and waiting around with Hannahbelle, Beckaroo and Leslie for Andy for 3 hours with water balloons only to miss him completely and waste the balloons! Me, Becky and Hannah deciding one evening to 'wear all our clothes at once', then taking an outing to the laundrette, only to turn the corner and be confronted by the football and rugby teams, at which point myself and Becky ran away home leaving Hannah to face the music, wearing her pants and bra over the brightest clothes imaginable. Benji decalring "I want to have Justin's babies!". Persuading Benji not go to his letures and to stay at home to watch Bo Selecta. Water fights. Drinking games. Being sick in the street, and using leaves as tissues. Scaling statues and riding horses. Guildhall. Moloko's flavoured vodka. "Benji loves House 9 like a fat kid loves cakes". Basically, one of the best years ever.

Then came year 2, my year as a squatter in the Wykham Terrace lounge. More drinking games. Having Mike jump on my head. Guild on a Monday night. Hangovers on a Tuesday morning. BBQs. Laughing at the atrocious 5 a side team (well done for trying boys). Dirty housemates. Stolen trainers (which i still haven't got back. Bastards.) Acoustic nights at the union. Meeting the lovely Colin. And getting tattoo's on a whim.

And finally, the 3rd year. Where i was again officially living back in Winchester, and loving it! Flinty and Marcus, Channel 69. Indie Pothouse. A poster of the lovechild of Gerry Adams and King Alfred in our lounge. Extreme balancing. Setting up camp in the library to finish our dissertations. 'Girl From Mars' campaign. Fireworks in our garden. A bar in my bedroom. Toxic cocktails. Myself and Ben's realisation that we are pretty damn funny. Gerry Adams' beard. And Scotland flags.

And thats only just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head!

But sadly, its got to come to an end sometime, and unfortunately that time is now. What can I say? It's been amazing, but this is only the beginning.

I love you bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kelly



Currently listening : Chocolate By Snow Patrol Release date: 12 April, 2004

Easter Holidays and Dissertations...

18 Apr 2006

Four weeks off of Uni, and what have I done with them? Nothing.

My Easter break has been a blur of face painting, balloon modelling and writing my dissertation. I managed to write 4,000 in two days, whilst surounded by screaming children, which is rather impressive, seeing as though it took me a year to actually start it and write a 2,000 word introduction.

So! Now I'm just over half way through, and I'm stuck, which could be a bit of a problem, as I have 4,000 more words to go. But hopefully it'll all work itself out in the end....

And that's about it! Haven't really done much else with my time, which is rather sad. But it does mean that I should have quite a bit of money to keep me going through the 'D Day' celebrations on the 2nd May when we give in our dissertations. Oh, how I look forward to it! I'm tired of exams, and essays and seminars with retards. But most of all, I'm tired of being poor.

In other 'news', I celebrated the 1st anniversary of my 21st birthday, which was rather nice.

But even more exciting is the fact that I am now the proud owner of a Vince Noir-esque hat!!! Its is truly beautiful. I spotted it in Monsoon and couldn't stop thinking about it! That really is rather shallow of me, but hey, it is a lovely hat. It has shells on it and ev'ryfink! And Ben says that he is going to buy a hat too and we can wear our beautiful hats together at Isle Of Wight! Oh, how lovely it will be. Sexy hats galore! Roll on 8th June!

Kelly


Currently listening : Eyes Open By Snow Patrol Release date: 09 May, 2006

We Live in Exciting Times

12 Mar 2006

Many exciting things are afoot!

* Myself and many of my bitches are now proud owners of weekend camping tickets for the Isle of Wight! Where Primal Scream, Coldplay, Foo Fighters etc are playing! Now all we have to do is hope that none of us have exams at the same time as the festival!

* I have finally caught up on my dissertation work, and am apparently "speeding up the fast lane", which is jolly good!

* I have finally returned to the world of face painting ankle biting munchkins, and therefore now have regular hours and wages and ev'ryfink!

Exciting times, i think you'll agree.

Kelly


Currently listening : Date With the Night By Yeah Yeah Yeahs Release date: 22 April, 2003

Fence (Or at least it used to be a fence...)

19 Feb 2006

I have just woken up, wandered into the lounge and through the window in front of me I saw the path of destruction which has been left behind after a night of drunken craziness. Our garden fence (or at least, it used to be a fence), is no longer stood upright, surrounding our lovely little patch of grass. Oh no, it is now laying in the middle of the garden with the odd bit of wood, on the pavement. And the reason for this destruction?......CHAVS.

Apparently, at 3am this morning, my housemates heard some shouting, and then some banging, and a noise that sounded particularly similar to that of a fence being kicked to the ground, and when they looked out of the window, they saw that it was infact OUR fence that was being battered by the adidas clad foot of a chav.

It was at this point that Andy shouted obscenities out of the upstairs window at them and they ran away....obviously complete Jessies! Somehow I managed to sleep through it, hence the discovery this morning.

So, I'm not too sure what happens now...We phone our landlord...someone comes out and fixes it...and the Chav gets away with it...not fair really, is it?

Kelly


Currently listening : Howl Howl Gaff Gaff By Shout Out Louds Release date: 24 May, 2005

The Wisdom of 'The Big Man'.

13 Feb 2006

I, as a caring girlfriend, emailed the lovely giant to ask him how his day was going, and also to ask how his oven works, and I was sent this in reply...

"Work is great, I arrived to find that there was a big fun fair in the car park and that we were all allowed to go on the rides for free as many times as we want. That bit was b*ll*cks by the way, we were only allowed to go on the rides once. Later on there's going to be a raffle and everything."

When I asked if I could go and join in the fun, I was treated to this reponse...

"I'm afraid there's a big sign saying "No Kellys". Not really sure who thought of that, probably a bigot much like yourself. Shame really, think you would've really enjoyed it. There's even a celebrity auction for charity and they've got people like Colin Murray, Gary Lightbody, Ed Norton and Owen Wilson, as well as Justin Lee Collins, Ross Noble, Eddie Izzard and the guy from Gimme Gimme Gimme. No one here seems much interested in these people so I guess they won't be building a new wing onto Bournemouth Hospital and getting all those new doctors and nurses and poor cute little Jimmy with the hole in his heart will just have to wait that bit longer for his emergency operation. Damn shame."

So when I asked him to perhaps buy me one of these lovely men as some sort of present, he replied with....

"Yes, I can really see me bidding for one of the 4 people in the world you could quite happily replace me with, or one of the other 4 who'd make you laugh more. What do you take me for? Besides, I hear Holly Willoughby is going to buy all of them, take them to South East Asia, bury them all in a pit with spiders the size of shoeboxes and set them alight so they can never perform/appear in public ever again. Then Andie McDowell is going to wipe all videos/DVDs etc with these people on then remove every facet of them from the internet and then Sheena Easton (who has spent the last 10 years training as a Ninja) is going to assassinate Karl Pilkington. And I hear they don't like Benji either, so perhaps you ought to get a message out. "

So, all in all people, I think we can agree that he is in fact, a nasty bitch.

Kelly


Currently listening : Who Killed the Zutons By Zutons Release date: 19 October, 2004

SPOTTED!!!

10 Feb 2006

People! Have just returned from what i thought was going to be a routine trip into town to do the usual boring stuff, but no, I was sorely mistaken...

Wandering around Sainsbury's, after picking up my four pints of milk, when suddenly I was stopped in my tracks, by the lovely celebrity vision that I saw before me...yes people, it was in fact...James Dreyfuss, AKA Tom from 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme' or Goody from 'The Thin Blue Line'!!!!

Now, calm yourselves! I know that he's quite an A-list celeb, so i will give you some time to get your breaths back and relax....

Naturally, because I had such a big celebrity in my midst, I did rather freak out a bit. I know, I know, I should have kept my cool, but I just couldn't help but shout rather loudly "OH MY GOD BEN!!! THATS THINGY FROM GIMME GIMME GIMME!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!". At which point Ben pointed out that he was looking at me a bit funny....

We then proceeded to follow him around the supermarket, daring each other to talk to him, but in the end we didn't, we just looked at him really...Benji did suggest that we go and stand next to him and try to be funny (not that we actually need to try, as funniness just naturally runs through our blood...) and that he would realise just how funny we are and get onto his mates at the BBC to get us a show, on Radio 1 perhaps...But alas, I experienced a rare moment of shyness and instead went looking for poppadoms.

But as i turned the corner into the vegetable section, who do I see before me, but none other than 'Colin Murray Man'! For those of you who don't know who 'Colin Murray Man' is, let me explain. He is in fact someone I spotted at an 'Open Mic Night' at the union and I was convinced that he was in fact the God that is Colin Murray! Then obviously I came to my senses and realised that seeing as though Mr. Murray is bum chums with every good band going and probably gets invited to every gig in London for free...he probably wouldn't be hanging around in the Winchester Student Union. But it was in fact someone who looks rather like him, and now everytime I see him, I loudly declare to whoever I'm with, "THERE IS COLIN MURRAY MAN!!!!". Unfortunately, I did this today, only moments after embarassing myself in front of the guy off the telly. So I now appear to have turned into some deranged woman who stalks the aisles of Sainsbury's searching for celebrities (though 'Colin Murray Man' is not strictly a celebrity, but in fact only a celeb lookalike, but in the words of the great Paddy McGuinness "You'll do for me!").

The most exciting moment had to be when we were in the queue to pay and I practically had one on each side of me!!!! Very exciting! Tried to slyly take a picture of 'Tom' on my phone, by subtly prentending to text someone, but he kept turning away just as I was about to take it! Don't these people have any consideration for weirdo's trying to photograph them when they are shopping?! Gosh!!! He also caught Ben looking at him too, and left the shop quite soon afterwards...

And with that he was gone...walking out of our lives as quickly as he walked in...never to be seen again...(apart from on UK Gold perhaps)...Ah well, there is always 'Colin Murray Man'...

Kelly


Currently listening : Silent Alarm By Bloc Party Release date: 22 March, 2005

It's Christmas!!!!!!!!!

15 Dec 2005


Well, what an eventful couple of days I've had here in the lovely city of Winch! It really has been all go here as usual, but then again that is one of the negative points of living in such a large, bustling, cosmopolitan city such as Winchester. Monday, I had a lecture for half an hour in which the teacher showered us with sweets, then went to the Hut of Pizza for some lunch with my Man Minion Benjamina. Tuesday, had no lecture and spent the day doing nothing. BUT!!! The highlight of the week had to be Tuesday night at Porters!!!!

As usual, it rocked, but was quite gutted when they didn't play any of the songs we requested! Slagbags! And Beckaroo was in top Northern form as she nearly had two arguements with people who dared to look at her in the wrong way. To be honest though, one was a complete minger who chose to diss Becky's request of 'I Believe in a Thing Called Love' by the Darkness, by drawing an arrow and writing 'Gay' next to it. Obviously this infuriated Becky and she retaliated by writing a sign that said 'Twats' on it, and putting it on their seats. Was all very childish, but also very entertaining. The next arguement came with some idiots who dared to sit down next to us, on our sofas!!! Well, can you believe the cheek of 'em?! But Becky and Paul managed to sort them out by repeatedly bumping into the girl and hitting her in the back...again not very mature, but very, very funny. And horribly, that was the last indie night of the year! But already looking forward to the 17th January when we can all experience a bit more hardcore indie lovin' and all will be right with the world again!

Wednesday, i had my final lecture of 2005!!! But alas, it is not the last I will hear of the English Civil War as I have another semester of it next year. But decided to get myself into the Christmas sprit yesterday by doing Christmassy type things with my day. So I watched 'Scrooged', went to a carol service with my bitches and ate a mince pie. So all in all, a productive day, I think you will agree.

Today, I was awoken at 11.30am by Benjamina who was very excited by the fact that he had been asked to join the 'Reloaded' friends list!!! And he then proceeded to rub the fact that i hadn't been asked, in my face. So now may have to think about withdrawing my love for a Tuesday night at Porthouse...but probably won't.

As for the rest of the week, I will be 'burnin' and returnin' to Bournemouth for a couple of nights, mainly to see some band at Alcatraz, 'True Tramp Neglect' or summat like that? Have heard they are alright and can sometimes hold a decent tune when they want to, so I thought I'd give them a try. Then my 'bit on the side' is coming round on Saturday, so that should be fun.
Sunday, is going to be a makeshift Christmas day for us in Winchester as we are having our 'house christmas dinner' and exchanging our presents!!! Hurrah!!! And Ben of the Big variety is coming too as an honourary member of our house and has even bought us a 'house present'! How amazing!!!

See!!! Told you it was a very exciting week. All go here! Definitely not at all boring...
Suppose I should make the most of it though, seeing as though my entire Christmas holiday is going of consist of reading and revising and more reading and other intellectual things...obviously!

Anyway, have a lovely Christmas and New Year kids, and remember to keep it Ghetto.

Kelly



Currently listening : Antics By Interpol Release date: 28 September, 2004

Tis a sad, sad day in the land of Kelly :-(

08 Dec 2005

Have just been informed of the amazing news that Razorlight are playing a 'secret' gig at the 120 capacity Railway Inn in good ol' Winch. Of course, my heart was sent all a flutter by the possiblity of seeing the lovely Johnny Borrell in the flesh for the second time, even daring to think that maybe this time he would actually hear me when I shouted "put your shirt back on, Wanker!" at him. But alas, it is not to be.....I dispatched my elf like minion Benjamina on a mission to ring the Railway for tickets and he discovered that they have sold out!!!!!!! Disaster! Benji is so upset and saddened by the news, that he has refused to do any work tonight. A shocking development, because as we all know, Mr. Poocock is an extremely dedicated student who doesn't let anything come between him and his work. So this news really has had a profound effect on him and shaken him right to his little Gayboy core! I don't know if he will ever recover. He may never do any work ever again.

Personally, I am not much better. I am currently in a state of mourning for what could have been...an evening with the lovely, beautiful Johnny. Will be torture knowing that whilst I am slaving away at the Hut of Pizza, the holy shirtless one will be playing down the road. Oh so close, but yet so far! Tis truly a sad, sad day in the land of Kelly.

Currently listening : Up All Night By Razorlight Release date: 17 May, 2005

Texting Famous People (!)

02 Jun 2006


Well, what an eventful morning I have had, it all started last night in a quiet little pub in Winchester....

Whilst popping to the lavatory I discover a name on the wall scrawn with some kind of biro (could have been made by 'bic', this has not bee confirmed though). This name was a certain 'Andy Burrows', thats right kids, the drummer of Razorlight. Knowing that Sir Burrows was from Winchester and often 'hangs out' in this public house, I think that this message may well be real and true. Without giving too much away as to the message itself, I will let you into a little secret that thrusts this story onwards.... THERE WAS A PHONE NUMBER THERE!!! So, naturally I pop the phone number into my mobile under the name 'Andy Burrows?'

This morning I tell a dear friend of mine about this number. After some shrieking (and possible small hand claps that she often does) (the truth of the small hand clapping action has not been confirmed), we decide to text this number in a hope of meeting, snogging, and maybe marrying the cheeky Razorlight beat-keeper.

So, in a cunning, sly way I text this number saying "Hey mate! How are you!? Ain't spoken to you in a while, hope everything is ok! text me back!'

"Did he reply????!?!" I hear you scream...well yes, he indeed did.

"Who is this?" he barked back at me, possibly he didn't have my number in his contact list for some reason...

"it is Ben!" I hark back at him, hoping that he would indeed reveal that he is Andy Burrows, and maybe invite us round to listen to some stuff Johnny has been writing....

"Who do you want?" he requests, rather unfriendly I do think!

"Andy." (losing hope now) "have i got the wrong number? Oh dear" (losing the rest of my hope)

"Yeah, you have, sorry" he rejects us..... alas.... it either wasn't his phone, or he just thinks we are too cool for him to talk to us.... We didn't even get to shout at Borrell telling him to put his shirt back on, dammit.

But still I have the number in my phone 'Andy Burrows?' will always be my friend, and I shall show everyone I meet this famous person's number, I'm THAT cool.


Benji

The Train of the Hatred of Dissertations

10 Apr 2006

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a lover of repetitive things, I'm not too keen on fads, or jokes that everyone seems to make (unless they are funny), but I'm am afraid I am going to have to join the train of hatred of dissertations and moan about them for the whole friggin' journey.

Well...Here's whats happening in the world of Benji's dissertation. Not much. I've seen far more interesting programmes of Rex Hunt Fishing that have more going on in them than my dissertation. To all those who are planning to do one in the coming years, oh how I feel sorry for you, really i do, but not as sorry as I am for myself, they are truly rubbish entities.

Today I decided to have a look at previous travellers on the train of hatred of the dissertation. Whilst reading through a few by the Cultural Studies office a man wanders up to the desk with a bounce in his step. My ears pricked up and my stomach slightly began to turn as I had a feeling that I knew why he was there..... He uttered those words... "I'm here to hand in my final dissertation" plonking 2 copies of the bounded, full whack dissertation on the table, I almost puked there and then all over them. Thats right people TWENTY TWO DAYS EARLY....... There's gotta be some kind of loser prison that some people need to be sent to for that kind of behaviour....

People give advice near the beginning of them saying 'if you get on with these early, it'll save so much stress later'. Personally, I think thats absolute LIES. If one did decide to start early, it only means that rather than havin just a couple of months of freakin out about it and thinking about it, they have a WHOLE DAMN YEAR to think about it. Now my friends, consider this....a year of boredom, no thank you. So, therefore I am happy that I have waited this long to get on with it.

Already I can smell the train of hatred of dissertations getting closer to its destination, this station is known as 'Completion'. It's a lovely town, full of joy, peace, beverages and happiness. It's going to be a wonderful day, and along with my fellow final years, I wait in anticipation for that day, the sun will truly shine and if my smile that day was food, it could feed Africa, fact.Anyway, any sympathetic words will be greatly receieved. And any ways to avoid doing the work, or ways of stayin focussed are warmly welcomed. Thank You for your time, the train of hatred of the dissertation continues, all aboard!

Benji

Recent Discoveries...

15 Mar 2006


Oh this world we live in, full of wonders and charm. Many-a-thing can be discovered in this world in our average daily lives, some fun, some scary, some enlightening, some good, some bad, some happy, some sad, some evil, some uplifting, some ultimatey crap, some ultimatey amazing, and some I have no opinion on them because they may be irrelvant...

1. 8p Tesco noodles are brilliant, stuff 'supernoodles' or such competitors, TESCO VALUE 8p noodles all the damn way, DO IT.

2. Cutting one's own hair is rarely a good idea. Even if one does plod around with hairdressing scissors ine ones back pocket in case of hair emergences, that does not mean that one can cut one's own hair.

3. Lost In Translation is a freekin' amazing film. OK, this has not been a recent discovery, yet what was a recent discovery is the answer to the age old quetion...'what does Bill Murray whisper in Scarlett Johansson's ear at the end?'Thats right my people, I know, and you don't, so in your face asswipes. Thanks to Kelly and the 63336, well worth a pound!

4. Listening to the motorway noise in the background as you try to get to sleep but fail miserably is possiby the most soothing thing in the world, serious encouragement in that activity is flooding out of me.

5.If you think hard enough, water tastes like anything you want it to be (coca-cola, squash, apple juice).

6. Only a few more months and I will no longer be a student bound to poverty. Thank goodness for the real world, ready to take hold of us and remove us from this bubble of filth we have resided in for 3 years, thrusting us into a new student life, where we actually have money and real things to be getting on with, oh the prospects! Los Angeles and Bradford calls my name and I embrace them both with loving arms! (how poetic, enjoy that).



Benji

Oh deary me...

17 Dec 2005


Well, I am currently ashamed to be British and a TV License owner (well, im not a TV license owner, but i watch TV.....please don't tell....).

Coming in this evening after a delightful day at a wedding of two dear friends of mine, i settle down to watch yet another nail munching hour of X Factor. I generally love the X Factor to simply 'critique' each contestant's performance, as it is my own personal time to hurl abuse/bricks at the telly, and persuade myself that I am better than them all. This is a brilliant way to spend a Saturday evening, I'm sure everyone agrees.....(you'd better agree).

However, THIS evenings showing is different......this evenings show is of course, the GRAND FINALE....!! Excitement builds as i warm up two mince pies and get the kettle on, will Andy (dustman) win? Or Journey South (two homo- i mean two men)? or how about Shayne? my goodness, i was touching cloth wanting to know the result......After the massive build up, making us hold our breaths for what seemed like 40 seconds (was actually only 37 seconds), they declare that the winner is Shayne!

Now, well done Shayne, Manchester boy (what is it with accents?! All i want is a normal Southerner to win who speaks without an accent to win, its not fair!) will now release his single to the ge- .....................oh no......he's releasing a single folks, thats rite.......

By Wednesday this shocking single will be released to the British public to attempt to be Christmas No.1 . And what is worse, they are CHARGING people for the CD! That's right, you have to pay money to get the CD! My goodness, i wouldn't even RECIEVE money to buy that pile of dog faeces, let alone PAY FOR IT!!!!!

Here is my plea, don't let yourself be scammed into thinking that this is a great guy who is really genuine, and has a brilliant voice and wants to be himself.. He is a marketted fiend. Oh dear, he has basically sold his soul to Satan himself (Simon Cowell). So, no don't buy 'eat my goal' or 'eat my face', or 'eat my poo' or 'my song is poo'....... (i can't remember it's title, something like that). instead, buy the JCB song by Nizlopi, whether you love it or hate it, out of all the songs going for Christmas No.1, it is clearly the best.

THIS COUNTRY NEEDS YOU....DON'T LET SHAYNE GET CHRISTMAS NUMBER ONE........OR THAT 'WESTLIFE' SONG (whoever they are)

Have a good Christmas anyway!



Benji

Beautiful Boxers

31 Oct 2005

Wow, for the first time today, I have purchased my own pairs of boxer shorts..... Qutie an exciting time for all, as previously, I have only recieved these essential items of clothing as presents for Christmas and birthdays, but now, oh now I step into a new era of life, BUYING MY OWN UNDERWEAR...I do encourage it, especially as you truly get what boxers you want, it's fantastic, tomorrow I know will be a good day as I will be certain that I am happy in my underwear, smiles galore! oh yes..







Benji

IKEA

28 Jul 2005

Oh how IKEA is a beautiful place, very yellow and blue...

£30 for a desk
£1.70 for 100 tea lights (yes, thats ONE HUNDRED CANDLES!)
£5 for a rockin' throw (not throwing a rock, i mean a really nice throw, i'm so ghetto)

My advice for you all.... go there...spend money...spend more....smile loads


Benji