The collective meandering thoughts of Kelly and Benji.

Sunday, 10 August 2008

♪"Fun and Laughter on a summer holiday..."♪

First posted 10th August 2008

Well, it is now the Summer holidays for me and unfortuantely it is not the utopian scene that Sir Cliff of Richard always claims it to be. I have spent the previous school year looking forward to 6 weeks of nothing apart from preparing myself for my PGCE by sitting around reading history books and getting angry with David Starkey on 4OD. But this was not to be! Instead I have been obsessively checking the weather forecast on the BBC's website (always wrong) and hanging around Boscombe in a blue tshirt emblazoned with a yellow caterpillar. Yes, that's right, I am back busting boredom for Bournemouth Council.

Now, for those of you who don't know me, the above description makes me sound like some sort Crime Fighter Extraordinaire, ridding the streets of Bournemouth of the scourge that is BOREDOM. "How exciting!" I hear you cry. But, for those of you who do know me, you will know that this is not the case at all and that Boredom Busters is simply a playscheme run by the council for kids aged between 4 and 12, which has been my holiday job for the last 8 years. Not so exciting now, huh? But in actual fact, the opposite is true. Myself and the other playworkers, the lovely Alex, Lauren and Georgie are all employed to entertain the kids, but in fact they actually spend most of the time entertaining us.

After spending so long away from the little ones, working in a secondary school, it was lovely to go back to working in an environment where every second word is not an expletive. Plus I have learnt so much over the last few weeks, much more I'm sure than I would have learnt from working with grown ups who claim to know much more than your average 5 year old.

In the last 3 weeks, I have been educated in many areas and here are a selection ov' the things wot I 'ave learnt...

  • Chad Danforth aka Corbin Bleu is the Mayor of Bournemouth's favourite 'High School Musical' Character.

  • 'How To Be Gangster' - A crash course in the ways of the Gangster, courtesy of Alfie and Freddy, including self censorship, beeps and all!

  • Before coming to Boredom Busters, one child spends his morning farting as a way to pass the time.

  • The writers of 'High School Muscial' love nothing more than a spot of casual racism.

  • At the sight of an expensive car, such as the Mayor's chauffeur driven Jaguar, children like nothing more than to dive inside and climb all over it with their muddy shoes on.

  • After pushing someone over, the magic word is not "Sorry". The correct words are in fact "F*** off"

  • Paper aeroplanes are the most amazing things since sliced bread and the ability to be able to make a good one, makes you God amongst small children.

  • A £4 bag of ball pit balls may well be the best investment you could ever make.

  • Small children are quite willing to negotiate leaving their famly home and move in with a complete stanger if you have the right games console.

I have also spent hour upon hour watching David Starkey rave about the monarchy and poured over books upon book trying to revise the whole of British history (there is quite a lot of information there!) but I think you'll agree with me when I say that the information above is more enlightening and useful than anything in a history textbook...

But unfortunately the textbooks have to be read as I am heading off to Southampton University in September to start my History PGCE. This means that in a years time, I will be a proper History teacher! (Well, nearly....) I'm extremely excited, but also rather scared. It's the next step forward for me which is great but the saddest part of all of it had to be leaving Glenmoor at the end of term. I had an amazing time there, the pupils and the staff were fantastic to work with, hopefully I will have a similar experience in my school placements next year. But it was not all doom and gloom as I was given a lovely send off!

Jenny and I (The Teaching Assistant Dream Team!) were treated to a lunch with all of our favourite people and showered with gifts. I got a Horrible Histories Quiz Book, Borders voucher, a notebook for everyone to write their goodbye messages in, an ink stamper which has a smiley face and the words "Miss Leckie says Well Done!" on it, some 'code cracker' cards and a gobstopper! The Book Group also threw a little party for us, complete with presents and a home made cake and a chocolate card with my name on it! Here is a little pic of me enjoying this particular gift....

Then my Year 9 class, the amazing 9.5, hi-jacked their English lesson and threw me a party with even more gifts including 2 bottles of wine, 2 bunches of flowers and 2 cd's of songs we used to entertain with lessons. As well as the wine, flowers and Cd's, Charlotte and Lois, had done one of the most thoughtful things ever and made me a book full of photos of the class and messages from all of them. This and the excitement of a party was all a bit too much for me, and I will admit that I cried like a bit of a baby. As Charlotte said "It's your last day, what did you think we were going to do? Sit and watch 'Mrs F***ing Doubtfire'?! I don't think so! We wanna give you a proper send off!" And a proper send off it was!

Roll on September! Before the year is out, I will have two more schools that I have to leave. GET IN! That's if I ever get all this reading done....

Monday, 5 May 2008


It has been far too long since we have written a blog entry. Kelly and I apologise profusely, but there is a valid excuse...

We are currently preparing some wonderful visual treats for you to enjoy in the near future. On the 17th April was dearest Kelly's birthday, so a group of us shimmy-ed the night away in Bournemouth with some food, as well as visiting some local public houses. Video highlights to follow soon, keep your eyes peeled, it'll be worth it!

The night was great apart from the fact I lost my bank card, despite having a photo taken of me with it 5 minutes before it went missing(!) ...damn those bank card fairies! You'll hear/see more about that soon.

Anyway, just to remind you all, if you are reading this via email (because you have subscribed, well done!), then you won't be able to see any videos/pictures we upload, so come to the website to get a full whack of every delightful post we publish, then you'll really begin to enjoy the treats we have to offer!

If you are on the site, have a click on the picture to the left where it says 'video bar', to see the 2nd epidsode of Channel 69 news, our beautiful creation at university (we may have even filmed some more Channel 69 news whilst in Bournemouth....OoOo!).

Anyway, that will do for now I think. Now, of course you want to subscribe so you don't miss anything we post, therefore all you need to do is pop your email address in the space to the left where it says 'subscribe to these thoughts' and there you go! sorted! It's Bank Holiday today, so I am largin' it up at the Basingstoke Aquadrome, that's how rock 'n' roll I am, breathe Basingstoke in...

Friday, 11 April 2008


Firstly, I've had some interesting comments on last week's video with the puppets. Some people have found it hilarious (phew, thank goodness), some don't quite get it, and I've even had a creepy stocking-fetish guy message me asking me to make more with stockings and pantyhose instead of socks (I'm not even joking!). I watched one of his videos and felt physically sick so have a gander, completely eerie and freaky, but slightly amusing, worth a watch!

If you want to have a look at "freaky-man-stocking-video", Click here:

Moving swiftly on! Numerous times I have been told this week that I should enter the 'Sofa Factor' competition on GMTV. Now, this is a competition where you can be a GMTV presenter! OoOoO! My thinking is that this is rock 'n' roll, this is cool, this is likely to be well paid, therefore I thought, 'Why Not!!!'. So this morning I find myself filming myself on my own in my living room. I find it slightly worrying that now, two weeks in a row, I've wasted some time making stupid videos... I feel like I'm destined to do it, so I'm not going to stop until I truly run out of friends or money (whatever happens first...probably friends).

It had to be a 15 second clip of presenting in GMTV style. I'd like to say it's GMTV-tastic, so it is: politcally correct; middle of the road and boring but 'trying-to-be-funny' kind of style. Anyway, incase I don't win and you don't see me on GMTV as the next Ben Shepherd, here's my entry!


Friday, 4 April 2008

New toys to play with... OooOoOo!

Well, it seems that I am truly launching myself into the technological world! Considering I am wanting to do this whole 'radio' thing, I decided that it was about time I got myself even the cheapest recording equipment to play around with in the comfort of my own room before being allowed to grace the public airwaves with my skills.

To be honest, rather than improving my skills, my main thinking has been "lets by a microphone and a camera so I can record funny/stupid/pointless videos to show my friends, and waste precious time doing". If it's good enough for Ricky Gervais to make videos and millions view them, then so can I!

I guess I just need to get a ton of fans first who will actually waste their lives watching pointless videos. I've emailed Kelly a little video already but she's in Glasgow. Do phones work in Glasgow? I doubt I can text her, I'll try, probably won't work though.

I feel guilty. I should be either a) finding a radio job; b)writing another scene for the sitcom c) eating to sustain myself d) playing Football Manager. But alas I am doing none of these. Instead I decided to make the video below. Enjoy.


Tuesday, 25 March 2008

Soundtrack of my Life....

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc.).
2. Put it on shuffle.
3. Press play.
4. For every question, type the song that's playing.
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button.
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you’re cool...because you're not.
7. Have a go and post your results as a comment beloew....

It works spookily well on some, but not so much on others. Good way to waste a bit of time though....

Opening Credits:
'What The World is Waiting For' - The Stone Roses
"I think it's time that you found what the world is waiting for..."

Waking Up:
'Pounding' - Doves
"Seize the time cos it's now or never baby"

First Day At School:
'Won't You Come Around' - Polytechnic
"If you're about, we'll dance in the middle of the afternoon"

Falling In Love:
'All I Want Is You' - U2
"All the promises we make from the cradle to the grave when all I want is you"

Fight Song:
'Take Me Out' - Franz Ferdinand
"I know I won't be leaving here with you"

Breaking Up:
'Hurt' - Johnny Cash
"Everyone I know goes away in the end"

'I Was Born To Be A Dancer' - Kaiser Chiefs
"Do you know the real answer? I was born to be a dancer"

'We Have All The Time In The World' - My Bloody Valentine
"We have all the time in the world, just for love, nothing more, nothing less, only love"

Mental Breakdown:
'Actually It's Darkness' - Idlewild
"Actually it's darkness, I don't know what I'm scared of"

Wedding Day:
'Don't Falter' - Mint Royale
"Strange, I saw ya, I sorta knew it was forever. Please stay with me and never miss a chance to kiss me"

Birth of First Child:
'Perfect Day' - Lou Reed
"Oh it's such a perfect day, I'm glad I spent it with you"

'What Difference Does It Make?' - The Smiths
"For we have been through hell and high tide
I think I can rely on you ...
And yet you start to recoil
Heavy words are so lightly thrown
But still I'd leap in front of a flying bullet for you"

'Novocaine for the Soul' - The Eels
"Life is hard and so am I. You better give me something so I don't die..."

Losing Virginity:
'Can You Feel It?' - The Jacksons
I think the title says it all really....

'Fix Up, Look Sharp' - Dizee Rascal

'One to Another' - The Charlatans
"Tomorrows gonna be too easy and todays gonna be too near"

Getting Back Together:
'You're All I Have' - Snow Patrol
"I've gotta see you one last night, before the lions take their share, leave us in pieces scattered everywhere"

Final Battle:
'Rocks' - Primal Scream
"Ain't no use in praying, that's the way it's staying baby"

Death Scene:
'No One Knows' - QOTSA
"I drift along the ocean, dead life boats in the sun, and come undone"

'An End Has A Start' - The Editors
"Some things should be simple, even an end has a start"

Sequel Teaser:
'Just Like Honey' - Jesus and Mary Chain
"Listen to the girl as she takes on half the world, moving up and so alive..."


Friday, 21 March 2008

Finding Nirvana-land

The last few days in build up to Easter have been the most relaxing, and 'gaylord being' days in a while... I love it!

My girlfriend and I have purchased a delightful '3 times' membership at Nirvana Spa , which includes a 'floatation' evening. "what on earth is that?!" I hear you cry. "Sounds like, well gay!" I hear more people cry, well let me explain all...

We arrived at the beautiful Nirvana Spa, with paintings of underwater creatures and star constellations surrounding us. So, we adorned our robes and flip-flops (thats right, we got given robes, had to bring my own flip-flops that I bought at the local flip-flop shop). (OK, I admit, the pic of the flip-flop shop is in the Isle of Wight found at the festival last year, but worth a showing I do believe!)

So, there is the hydrotherapy pool (with tons of jets spraying any part of you for a water-massage-thing. OoOoO...beautiful. Also, there is a 'normal' pool where we sat on loungers, pretending to be posh reading health magazines and drinking our FREE bevs. Then, there was the monsoon aromotherapy steam room, which is quite frankly sexy and well nice for a chill out, until you can't cope with the smell of vicks, or your skin shrivels up like a prune. That place is quite frankly spanky gorgeous!

And last but far from least is the magnificent 'floatation treatment'. In simpleton terms, they have filled a swimming pool with loads of salt (standard dinner table salt as far as I know), and so that means you can float in it! So after a quick induction ("don't drown"..."don't poo in the water"..."If you're going to spew, spew into this"...."If you guff in the pool we'll all see it on the CCTV"), we headed into the main pool for a 40 minute sesh. There were twinkly lights on the ceiling, pictures of half-human, half-horses on the wall, and moby played sweetly in the background. All in all a beautiful moment, however this was slightly ruined by occasionally bumping into somebody else as you floated around, and never being quite sure WHAT PART of that person you just touched. A worrying thought I'm sure you'll agree.

So, get your bums down there, be a bit of a gaylord for the evening, but you'll look truly middle class and fit in greatly. The floatation treatment does look a tad like that scene from Minority Report, but it's worth it! Ooh and there was free food (all you can eat!)...back of the net.


Friday, 14 March 2008

Q: How do you get a Granny to shout "C*nt!"?

A: Get another to shout "Bingo!"

Well hello there you, you big sexy bitches!

It has indeed been a while since I have posted anything on here and seeing as though I am at home today with nothing to do, I might as well get writing! Not mush has been happening in the land of Kelly recently, apart from the delightful visit that I received from Benji a couple of weekends ago. We did some writing for a couple of hours, visited The Harvester for dinner and then went to the Bingo, an event that was both excruciatingly embarassing and euphorically enjoyable!

We arrived 5 minutes late and had to register to join, as we were doing this, I could hear that numbers being called out over the tannoy which covers the whole building. This made us rush to the counter to buy our books and then throw ourselves through the doors of the hall itself. Imagining that it would be filled with people having a great time and partying, whilst a man in a sparkly jacket calls out the numbers in a cool slick DJ voice, we were sorely disappointed. The hall was packed. Everyone was silent, so silent in fact that you could hear a pin drop, never mind us careering through the doors in a panic. We stopped dead in our tracks and quietly made our way to the restaurant to buy some pens, but the girl who was serving simply walked away and ignored us, so we made our way to the bar to ask one of the helpful young men if they could sell us some pens. I quietly asked the guy behind the bar where we could buy pens and he turned to me, revealing a face that only a mother could love, and mumbled something incoherrent at me. Trying to tear my eyes away from his mouth full of metal and elastic, I asked him to repeat what he said and again he mumbled, but this time slightly louder. This made me uneasy as I know that if you disturb old ladies in their natural habitat, they will turn on you and beat you to death with their dabber pens. so I walked away from old Metal Mickey and decided that I thought he said 'vending machine'. Which in fact he did. We finally managed to find a seat and sat down by a father and daughter who didn't look too happy at the thought of having newcomers sitting on their table. Fortunately, they didn't have dabber pens, so I felt comforted by the fact that if they did decide to beat us, the only weapon they had was a light weight felt tip, a situation that I'm sure Bear Grylis has found himself in many, many times before.

We finally managed to join in when they started the next card and myself and Benji, being experienced bingo players, explained the rules of the game to Ciaran. He seemed to be doing well and getting into it, and we were overjoyed when he suddenly grabbed my arm and said "I have a line!" We told him to shout, so he did, and the room came to a standstill, all eyes on us...The next few seconds are a blur....Metal Mickey bounds across the room and picks up Ciaran's ticket....he looks annoyed....we look confused....he tells us that Ciaran does have a line, but that we are in fact playing for two lines now....we feel our faces turn red....we can feel the blood pumping as he mumbles something to Ciaran, this time even more incoherrent than "vending machines"....Ciaran can't understand him, so he asks him to repeat it, again no one understands, so we ask him to repeat....the whole room is still looking at us, I can see old ladies searching through their handbags for their extra large dabbers to beat us to death...Metal mouth says loudly "So it's a FALSE CALL?"...We swiftly answer "Yes!", hoping that the quicker the game starts again, the less likely we are to found murdered in the alleyway next to the bingo hall the next morning with a dabber pens stuck in out eyes and a bingo card placed neatly on our chests. There is a uniform mumble of disgust throughout the hall, but thankfully, the game continues swiflty.

During the next game, Metal Mouth moved close to our table where he stood next to Benji, which made us all rather scared, unsure whether or not he was going to bite one of us if we tried and make anymore calls. Benji shifted uneasily in his seat, fearing for his life, or at least his face. Metal Mickey moved closer and threw himslef to the floor, perhaps he had a foot fetish and was going to eat Benji's toes? No, he was in fact collecting the money for the bingo machines on the table. Not too long after this though, Benji made a move which was either going to make or break us....

After a call had been made for 'two lines', Benji told me that he only needed a few more numbers for a house. We got back to the game and out of the corner of my eye, I could see Benji getting more and more agitated. Suddenly he told me he had a house a shouted "YEAH!" very loudly. Again I could hear the blood rushing to my head, the thumping in my ears, readying myself for the fact that we may have to run for our lives if he was wrong...but he was right! The guy came over, checked the ticket, took his card and a few minutes later, came over with £100 for Benji! Result! We were in fact so giddy from Benji's win that all the way through the next game, our heads nearly exploded as we tried to hold in our giggles of excitement and disbelief, still fearful of the chance of attack from the enemy that surrounded us.

Thankfully, it soon passed and so did the evening. Before we knew it, the last game had ended and there was a mass exodus from the hall, with grandmothers throwing down felt tips with abandon and letting out sighs of frustration at the fact that a trampy kid from Brackers had won the money instead of them....

Monday, 10 March 2008

Bingo, Sat-navs, artwork...

Well, yet it again it's been far too long since I have written in this blog. I like talking about myself and have strong desire for eveybody to know about me, thats how selfish I am, get in. Anyway, I went to Bournemouth last week to visit dearest Kelly, to do some writing on our sit-com, and we naturally went to Bingo. I say that sounding as if I go every week, trust me, I don't. Those that do go every week don't like ANYTHING like those happy-go-lucky kids on the adverts...far from it.

Anyway, as well as Kelly's beloved not only doing a scandalous 'false call' (what an idiot, I didn't want to look at him for the rest of the night), but I only went and won £100!!! Back of the net! So i've spent it on a Satellite Navigation system, as I'm getting bored of concentrating whilst driving. Having the lure of a touch screen increases the chance of crashing by 50%, much more exciting I reckon!.

Anyway, I will get Kelly to do some writing on here, she can do some funny stuff. By the way, our sit-com is going to be friggin' marvellous, you just wait.

Also, one last thing, take a look at my artwork from my old 'See A Song' website. People would send in their lyrics and 'Dr Lyrics Artist' would draw them. Here's one of my favourites... "Twinkle, twinkle little star


Friday, 29 February 2008


My apologies, it's almost been two weeks since we graced Winchester streets with our faces, but we have not updated the world with our antics in that time... so I'm sorry!

Anyway, our Saturday afternoon in Winchester was spent fundamentally in pubs, one to another, sitting around chatting, eating delightful plates of mixed grills and chips, basically exactly what we used to do when we were students...oh how I miss those days... when your main worry was either "shall I go to the garage to pick up a bottle of Frijj milkshake?" or "I can't believe I had 3 Damien Duff stickers in my football sticker pack this week, what a rip off".

Now I sit and write out job application answers... grrr... I'll get a radio job soon don't worry, then Kelly and I can take on the broadcasting world with a show that will make Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant and Karl Pilkington seem like boring old farts... But they're not though, they are amazing (love you Karl!)

Right, so Winchester was great, I'm heading to Bournemouth this Saturday for Kelly and I to gel our two comedy minds to make a piece of sit-com art! So look forward to that! I'll get the Scottish one to add some photos from Winchester, I've got one of me from the morning, my delightful girlfriend decided to capture some of the grease from my hair....mmmmm...

Cheers for now

Thursday, 14 February 2008


Hot news: this weekend sees the return to Winchester for Kelly and Benji. That's right, the annual gathering of the 'has been' students who still wish they were living the uni lifestyle is upon us once more. Known as 'Winton', they come from far and wide, giving Kelly and Benji to meet with all the other 'kool kidz' fromm university and fun 'n' frolics.

What is sure to be a carnage filled time, Kelly will only be there during the day, but I'm sure fun will be had at both day and night, sleeping and awake. Oh yes. Further news to follow I'm sure...

Also, thought I'd add a picture of the 'Bearded Lady of Guildford'... Yes she's real... and yes she is a 'she'... love it.
The Bearded Lady of Guildford

P.S Happy Valentines day everybody, and much love to sent out to all on this special day :)

Friday, 8 February 2008

Age Concern...

So, let me give you some background to my work situation... I have worked in an administration role for a travel company for about a year and a bit, earning some millionnaire a load more money, as I scrape together enough for a extortionate copy of NME each week (£2.10, too dear for me!). Alas, the cost of rock 'n' roll these days eh!

Anyway - so now I've quit this admin role, but am working there almost part-time to train up my replacement, a 45 year old 'drink-gin-in-my-lunch-break' kinda guy. I'll be honest, the ladies find him creepy, I just think he smells a bit. So there's the pointless yet slightly entertaining background.

On Wednesday, I decided to go to work, and throughout the day, my replacement guy (lets call him Gerald) asks for my help and advice for various things. Also, our manager is away this week, so basically I'm his boss for the week, remember this! Usually, he would call for help, or stroll round to my desk to ask questions. This one time however, he decides to look at me as I walk past, say my name and use his finger as -what I can only call- a fishing hook to beckon me...

I couldn't believe it! How angered I was at this rude behaviour. Luckily I was able to curb my frustration and just have a mild 'go' at him, saying how I would not respond to that and couldn't believe he did it.... I think with him he thinks that because I am in the prime time of my life, half his age, have about 10 times more hair that him, then it is acceptable to treat me less than a human. I think not Mr Gerald! Well, I'm just glad I'm over that now and have forgiven him... I'm going to head and throw some darts at his face now :o) bye for now!

Ooo...Also, I thought I would add a little video of me filming a crowd bottle fight at Reading Festival last year before getting smacked myself, damn those kids!


Monday, 28 January 2008

Observing human behaviour in the Bracknell area

Alas! I was ill today... But hooray! That means no work for me, and another chance to not only add a new post to the blog, but discuss an observation I have made today.

Due to my illness (no, it's not AIDs, just a headache)-(no, I haven't been sticking my head up any one's bum)-(no, nobody has stuck their head up MY bum either)-(no bums and no heads are involved!).

Anyway, due to being a bit ill, I went to the doctor, as any upstanding citizen would do. However, little did I realise that even those who are not such an upstanding citizens still go to the doctors! Whilst I was sitting waiting for my name to flash up on the screen, a young lady strolled in a took a seat in her bright red puffer jacket, whilst her two delightful offspring barged into the room and proceeded to smash the whole place up. After a couple of minutes I learn the toddlers names as the mother screams out 'HOLZ!!! CONNOR!!! Get 'ere NAH!'... Holz and Connor, I'm guessing Holz is short for Hollie (as I doubt she would name her child holiday, although you never know these days with Chavs). I don't think you can get more stereotypically dregg-ish names if you tried...

I spent the next 20 minutes observing this wonderful Bracknell-ite in her natural environment, her kids running amok, playing with her tongue piercing with her teeth, and chatting really loudly on her phone, brilliant stuff. Terms such as 'PACK IT IN!' and 'DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!' were shouted through gritted teeth as she made a weak attempted to discipline her children subtly. And it wasn't just the mother that provided fantastic entertainment! Connor would be smashing his hands against the walls shouting all kinds of things at passers by, as Holz would be picking up any 'waiting room toy' she could lay her hands on, before launching it at a)the floor; b)the wall; c)her mum; and d)her little brother.

Before you ask, don't worry I was safely dodging noddy figurines as they flew passed my face, and I did cover my mouth to prevent inhalation of any chav-germs. All-in-all, very productive day of chav-observation.


full name on screen.

Friday, 11 January 2008

For some reason, when the creator of this restaurant was thinking about names for their establishment, they thought that this would be a good idea............................. unbelievable (yet comedic).

Incase you are wanting to go to this place , here's the address:

Gaylord Tandoori
26 London Road
RG10 9ER

Go there, get a picture, go home again, laugh at the picture with mates, done.

Monday, 7 January 2008

Health and Fitness

There is something mysteriously marvellous about those items that you will never use, yet excite the soul to such a degree that the word 'SALE' whips your body into a chaotic frenzy, and before you can say 'bargain', you're fitting the stupid over sized, magnetic treadmill into your car.

What have I done.....!? I've given into the stereotypical mindset of thinking '2008, the year of health and fitness!' and bought a piece of exercise equipment. Now, I can barely stand up in my room as it shines in all its massive glory, begging for me to touch it, to have a 'jog' on it, and generally enjoy it's company. But alas! Two days of ownership and already and I sitting in front of my computer bumming around avoiding looking at it, whilst hanging dirty laundry on it's protruding arms...

I've even positioned it so that whilst I run, I can stare out of my window looking at the world around me, the free world I could be jogging in, if I wasn't such a lazy bum being a wimp to the cold and rain outside.

At least it's got an electronic 'calorie buster counter', so I make that 1-0 to the Benjmeister against the world of health :o)

Wednesday, 2 January 2008

Things That Make Me Happy/Smile...

22 Mar 2007

Hearing a song that I love on that radio.

Having dinner cooked for me.

Finding that the hot water bottle is still warm, when I wake up at 3am, 4 hours after I filled it up.

Unexpected presents.


Finding money that I didn't realise I had.

The Mighty Boosh.

Laughing so hard that I can't breath and think I might actually die.

Family Guy.

Finding something that I really wanted, in a sale.

Going on holiday.

'Girl From Mars' by Ash.

Chocolate chip shortbread from the canteen at work. It is lush!

Watching videos we made at uni.

Taking pictures.

Reading a good book.

Seeing my friends.


School holidays.

'Can't Stand Me Now' by The Libertines.

Making people laugh.

Northern Irish accents.

Isle of Wight Festival.

Beautiful Dance Whores,

Indie Night at Porters.


'Let's Stick Together' by Roxy Music.

Feeding the ducks.


Singing loudly and dancing around the house when I am the only one in.

Christmas films.

Top 100..." list shows.

Getting letters from my friends.

Air conditioning in my room when I am on holiday.


Looking after Sam.

New Comments/messages/picture comments on myspace.


Text messages.

My graduation hoody.


Waking up and not having to get out of bed right away.

Winning at Trivial Pursuit.


Pay day.


Having something to look forward to.


Wearing flip flops in the summer.

Walking on the grass with bare feet.

Water fights.

Finally finding a photo where I think I look good.

Neck massages.


Moist cake.

Giving people presents.

Buying new vinyl.

Long, hot showers.

Gary Lightbody.

Talking on the phone for hours with Chantal about absolutely nothing.

Having a shimmy with friends to a song that we love.

Seeing The Flaming Lips play live.

The Happy Dance.

Drinking Games.

Cold custard.

Cold rice pudding.

My flat when it is clean and tidy.

BBC 6 Music.

Camping at festivals with my friends.

Reading post secret.

Seeing True Swamp Neglect play live, and feeling all proud of Ciaran.

Hearing my neighbours argue.

Karl Pilkington.

Debating the ''monkey/typewriter' thing with Benji.

Finishing work on a Friday.


Quoting films/songs/tv programmes with friends.


Managing to pot a ball whilst playing pool.

Getting questions right in quiz games.

Memories of West Downs.

BBC2 and Channel 4.

My dogs.

Mucking around in the swimming pool on holiday.

My rock n roll glasses.

My quiff.


Currently listening : Standing in the Way of Control By Gossip Release date: 24 January, 2006

The Flaming Lips

11 Nov 2006

Went to see The Flaming Lips at the BIC on 5th November, and it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wayne went over the audience in a big ball, they had dancing aliens and Santas on stage, a brilliant cover of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and an endless supply of balloons and streamers/confettii!!!! What more could you ask for?!

Its the second time I have seen them. I thought they were great the first time, but this time they were even better, if thats possible!!!

I order you all to go and see them!!! And take heed of what Wayne says, cos the man is a God!!!! Go!!!! Hurry!!!! Now!!!!!!!


Currently listening : She Don't Use Jelly By The Flaming Lips Release date: 07 October, 1993

All Good Things Must Come To An End...

04 Jun 2006

Well, its finally happened, the sad day has come. I am no longer a student, and its really quite upsetting.

My last week as a tax dodger was spent bashing out two essays, revising for an exam on Friday. So when I got to the end of the week, I thought that I would feel relieved or maybe happy that it was over. But oddly, I just feel a bit empty.

My exam was 3 hours long, and I left half an hour early, because I had written everything I could, and thought that I had done enough. Not sure if that is a good thing or not, but it's done now, so no going back. So, I raised my hand to say I had finished, got up, grabbed my bag, and sadly walked out of the room, only to find myself unable to open the door, and knowing that everyone was looking at me. Damnit!!! Why isn't 'entering and exitng a room in a cool manner' a module choice?! Then I walked out of West Downs for what may be the last time. And it made me sad. Thats where it all started, and thats where it was ending! So many happy memories, I want to go back and do it all over again! But obviously I can't, so i'm just going to relive a few of them here!

Firstly, there was my amazing first year as a resident of House 9. I remember feling sick with nerves the night before I moved in, babbling things like "What if i don't like them?" or "What if they don't like ME?!" But, i got there, and i loved them, and they thought i was alright, and now I don't know how I ever lived without them...

In the words of Leslie, House 9 was full of "good times, good times". Evenings spent in Ruthio's room. Being chucked out of Ruthio's room for making too much noise. Hanging out of my bedroom window and chucking wet blobs of toilet tissue at Ruthio's window below. The Robcakes/Benji's guitar hostage situation. Robcakes in general. The first game of centurion. Leslie vomitting on Emma's bedroom window. The mystery of the stolen paddling pool. The painting of our notice board. Donning aprons and stealing Ben's food but being caught. Trying to put the microwave in Ben's cupboards and getting caught. Water fights, being told "enough!" by the wardens. Dressing up and waiting around with Hannahbelle, Beckaroo and Leslie for Andy for 3 hours with water balloons only to miss him completely and waste the balloons! Me, Becky and Hannah deciding one evening to 'wear all our clothes at once', then taking an outing to the laundrette, only to turn the corner and be confronted by the football and rugby teams, at which point myself and Becky ran away home leaving Hannah to face the music, wearing her pants and bra over the brightest clothes imaginable. Benji decalring "I want to have Justin's babies!". Persuading Benji not go to his letures and to stay at home to watch Bo Selecta. Water fights. Drinking games. Being sick in the street, and using leaves as tissues. Scaling statues and riding horses. Guildhall. Moloko's flavoured vodka. "Benji loves House 9 like a fat kid loves cakes". Basically, one of the best years ever.

Then came year 2, my year as a squatter in the Wykham Terrace lounge. More drinking games. Having Mike jump on my head. Guild on a Monday night. Hangovers on a Tuesday morning. BBQs. Laughing at the atrocious 5 a side team (well done for trying boys). Dirty housemates. Stolen trainers (which i still haven't got back. Bastards.) Acoustic nights at the union. Meeting the lovely Colin. And getting tattoo's on a whim.

And finally, the 3rd year. Where i was again officially living back in Winchester, and loving it! Flinty and Marcus, Channel 69. Indie Pothouse. A poster of the lovechild of Gerry Adams and King Alfred in our lounge. Extreme balancing. Setting up camp in the library to finish our dissertations. 'Girl From Mars' campaign. Fireworks in our garden. A bar in my bedroom. Toxic cocktails. Myself and Ben's realisation that we are pretty damn funny. Gerry Adams' beard. And Scotland flags.

And thats only just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head!

But sadly, its got to come to an end sometime, and unfortunately that time is now. What can I say? It's been amazing, but this is only the beginning.

I love you bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Currently listening : Chocolate By Snow Patrol Release date: 12 April, 2004

Easter Holidays and Dissertations...

18 Apr 2006
Four weeks off of Uni, and what have I done with them? Nothing.

My Easter break has been a blur of face painting, balloon modelling and writing my dissertation. I managed to write 4,000 in two days, whilst surounded by screaming children, which is rather impressive, seeing as though it took me a year to actually start it and write a 2,000 word introduction.

So! Now I'm just over half way through, and I'm stuck, which could be a bit of a problem, as I have 4,000 more words to go. But hopefully it'll all work itself out in the end....

And that's about it! Haven't really done much else with my time, which is rather sad. But it does mean that I should have quite a bit of money to keep me going through the 'D Day' celebrations on the 2nd May when we give in our dissertations. Oh, how I look forward to it! I'm tired of exams, and essays and seminars with retards. But most of all, I'm tired of being poor.

In other 'news', I celebrated the 1st anniversary of my 21st birthday, which was rather nice.

But even more exciting is the fact that I am now the proud owner of a Vince Noir-esque hat!!! Its is truly beautiful. I spotted it in Monsoon and couldn't stop thinking about it! That really is rather shallow of me, but hey, it is a lovely hat. It has shells on it and ev'ryfink! And Ben says that he is going to buy a hat too and we can wear our beautiful hats together at Isle Of Wight! Oh, how lovely it will be. Sexy hats galore! Roll on 8th June!


Currently listening : Eyes Open By Snow Patrol Release date: 09 May, 2006

We Live in Exciting Times

12 Mar 2006

Many exciting things are afoot!

* Myself and many of my bitches are now proud owners of weekend camping tickets for the Isle of Wight! Where Primal Scream, Coldplay, Foo Fighters etc are playing! Now all we have to do is hope that none of us have exams at the same time as the festival!

* I have finally caught up on my dissertation work, and am apparently "speeding up the fast lane", which is jolly good!

* I have finally returned to the world of face painting ankle biting munchkins, and therefore now have regular hours and wages and ev'ryfink!
Exciting times, i think you'll agree.


Currently listening : Date With the Night By Yeah Yeah Yeahs Release date: 22 April, 2003

Fence (Or at least it used to be a fence...)

19 Feb 2006

I have just woken up, wandered into the lounge and through the window in front of me I saw the path of destruction which has been left behind after a night of drunken craziness. Our garden fence (or at least, it used to be a fence), is no longer stood upright, surrounding our lovely little patch of grass. Oh no, it is now laying in the middle of the garden with the odd bit of wood, on the pavement. And the reason for this destruction?......CHAVS.

Apparently, at 3am this morning, my housemates heard some shouting, and then some banging, and a noise that sounded particularly similar to that of a fence being kicked to the ground, and when they looked out of the window, they saw that it was infact OUR fence that was being battered by the adidas clad foot of a chav.

It was at this point that Andy shouted obscenities out of the upstairs window at them and they ran away....obviously complete Jessies! Somehow I managed to sleep through it, hence the discovery this morning.

So, I'm not too sure what happens now...We phone our landlord...someone comes out and fixes it...and the Chav gets away with it...not fair really, is it?


Currently listening : Howl Howl Gaff Gaff By Shout Out Louds Release date: 24 May, 2005

The Wisdom of 'The Big Man'.

13 Feb 2006

I, as a caring girlfriend, emailed the lovely giant to ask him how his day was going, and also to ask how his oven works, and I was sent this in reply...

"Work is great, I arrived to find that there was a big fun fair in the car park and that we were all allowed to go on the rides for free as many times as we want. That bit was b*ll*cks by the way, we were only allowed to go on the rides once. Later on there's going to be a raffle and everything."

When I asked if I could go and join in the fun, I was treated to this reponse...

"I'm afraid there's a big sign saying "No Kellys". Not really sure who thought of that, probably a bigot much like yourself. Shame really, think you would've really enjoyed it. There's even a celebrity auction for charity and they've got people like Colin Murray, Gary Lightbody, Ed Norton and Owen Wilson, as well as Justin Lee Collins, Ross Noble, Eddie Izzard and the guy from Gimme Gimme Gimme. No one here seems much interested in these people so I guess they won't be building a new wing onto Bournemouth Hospital and getting all those new doctors and nurses and poor cute little Jimmy with the hole in his heart will just have to wait that bit longer for his emergency operation. Damn shame."

So when I asked him to perhaps buy me one of these lovely men as some sort of present, he replied with....
"Yes, I can really see me bidding for one of the 4 people in the world you could quite happily replace me with, or one of the other 4 who'd make you laugh more. What do you take me for? Besides, I hear Holly Willoughby is going to buy all of them, take them to South East Asia, bury them all in a pit with spiders the size of shoeboxes and set them alight so they can never perform/appear in public ever again. Then Andie McDowell is going to wipe all videos/DVDs etc with these people on then remove every facet of them from the internet and then Sheena Easton (who has spent the last 10 years training as a Ninja) is going to assassinate Karl Pilkington. And I hear they don't like Benji either, so perhaps you ought to get a message out. "

So, all in all people, I think we can agree that he is in fact, a nasty bitch.


Currently listening : Who Killed the Zutons By Zutons Release date: 19 October, 2004


10 Feb 2006

People! Have just returned from what i thought was going to be a routine trip into town to do the usual boring stuff, but no, I was sorely mistaken...
Wandering around Sainsbury's, after picking up my four pints of milk, when suddenly I was stopped in my tracks, by the lovely celebrity vision that I saw before me...yes people, it was in fact...James Dreyfuss, AKA Tom from 'Gimme, Gimme, Gimme' or Goody from 'The Thin Blue Line'!!!!

Now, calm yourselves! I know that he's quite an A-list celeb, so i will give you some time to get your breaths back and relax....

Naturally, because I had such a big celebrity in my midst, I did rather freak out a bit. I know, I know, I should have kept my cool, but I just couldn't help but shout rather loudly "OH MY GOD BEN!!! THATS THINGY FROM GIMME GIMME GIMME!!! I LOVE HIM!!!!". At which point Ben pointed out that he was looking at me a bit funny....

We then proceeded to follow him around the supermarket, daring each other to talk to him, but in the end we didn't, we just looked at him really...Benji did suggest that we go and stand next to him and try to be funny (not that we actually need to try, as funniness just naturally runs through our blood...) and that he would realise just how funny we are and get onto his mates at the BBC to get us a show, on Radio 1 perhaps...But alas, I experienced a rare moment of shyness and instead went looking for poppadoms.

But as i turned the corner into the vegetable section, who do I see before me, but none other than 'Colin Murray Man'! For those of you who don't know who 'Colin Murray Man' is, let me explain. He is in fact someone I spotted at an 'Open Mic Night' at the union and I was convinced that he was in fact the God that is Colin Murray! Then obviously I came to my senses and realised that seeing as though Mr. Murray is bum chums with every good band going and probably gets invited to every gig in London for free...he probably wouldn't be hanging around in the Winchester Student Union. But it was in fact someone who looks rather like him, and now everytime I see him, I loudly declare to whoever I'm with, "THERE IS COLIN MURRAY MAN!!!!". Unfortunately, I did this today, only moments after embarassing myself in front of the guy off the telly. So I now appear to have turned into some deranged woman who stalks the aisles of Sainsbury's searching for celebrities (though 'Colin Murray Man' is not strictly a celebrity, but in fact only a celeb lookalike, but in the words of the great Paddy McGuinness "You'll do for me!").

The most exciting moment had to be when we were in the queue to pay and I practically had one on each side of me!!!! Very exciting! Tried to slyly take a picture of 'Tom' on my phone, by subtly prentending to text someone, but he kept turning away just as I was about to take it! Don't these people have any consideration for weirdo's trying to photograph them when they are shopping?! Gosh!!! He also caught Ben looking at him too, and left the shop quite soon afterwards...

And with that he was gone...walking out of our lives as quickly as he walked in...never to be seen again...(apart from on UK Gold perhaps)...Ah well, there is always 'Colin Murray Man'...


Currently listening : Silent Alarm By Bloc Party Release date: 22 March, 2005

It's Christmas!!!!!!!!!

15 Dec 2005

Well, what an eventful couple of days I've had here in the lovely city of Winch! It really has been all go here as usual, but then again that is one of the negative points of living in such a large, bustling, cosmopolitan city such as Winchester. Monday, I had a lecture for half an hour in which the teacher showered us with sweets, then went to the Hut of Pizza for some lunch with my Man Minion Benjamina. Tuesday, had no lecture and spent the day doing nothing. BUT!!! The highlight of the week had to be Tuesday night at Porters!!!!

As usual, it rocked, but was quite gutted when they didn't play any of the songs we requested! Slagbags! And Beckaroo was in top Northern form as she nearly had two arguements with people who dared to look at her in the wrong way. To be honest though, one was a complete minger who chose to diss Becky's request of 'I Believe in a Thing Called Love' by the Darkness, by drawing an arrow and writing 'Gay' next to it. Obviously this infuriated Becky and she retaliated by writing a sign that said 'Twats' on it, and putting it on their seats. Was all very childish, but also very entertaining. The next arguement came with some idiots who dared to sit down next to us, on our sofas!!! Well, can you believe the cheek of 'em?! But Becky and Paul managed to sort them out by repeatedly bumping into the girl and hitting her in the back...again not very mature, but very, very funny. And horribly, that was the last indie night of the year! But already looking forward to the 17th January when we can all experience a bit more hardcore indie lovin' and all will be right with the world again!

Wednesday, i had my final lecture of 2005!!! But alas, it is not the last I will hear of the English Civil War as I have another semester of it next year. But decided to get myself into the Christmas sprit yesterday by doing Christmassy type things with my day. So I watched 'Scrooged', went to a carol service with my bitches and ate a mince pie. So all in all, a productive day, I think you will agree.

Today, I was awoken at 11.30am by Benjamina who was very excited by the fact that he had been asked to join the 'Reloaded' friends list!!! And he then proceeded to rub the fact that i hadn't been asked, in my face. So now may have to think about withdrawing my love for a Tuesday night at Porthouse...but probably won't.

As for the rest of the week, I will be 'burnin' and returnin' to Bournemouth for a couple of nights, mainly to see some band at Alcatraz, 'True Tramp Neglect' or summat like that? Have heard they are alright and can sometimes hold a decent tune when they want to, so I thought I'd give them a try. Then my 'bit on the side' is coming round on Saturday, so that should be fun.
Sunday, is going to be a makeshift Christmas day for us in Winchester as we are having our 'house christmas dinner' and exchanging our presents!!! Hurrah!!! And Ben of the Big variety is coming too as an honourary member of our house and has even bought us a 'house present'! How amazing!!!

See!!! Told you it was a very exciting week. All go here! Definitely not at all boring...
Suppose I should make the most of it though, seeing as though my entire Christmas holiday is going of consist of reading and revising and more reading and other intellectual things...obviously!

Anyway, have a lovely Christmas and New Year kids, and remember to keep it Ghetto.


Currently listening : Antics By Interpol Release date: 28 September, 2004

Tis a sad, sad day in the land of Kelly :-(

08 Dec 2005

Have just been informed of the amazing news that Razorlight are playing a 'secret' gig at the 120 capacity Railway Inn in good ol' Winch. Of course, my heart was sent all a flutter by the possiblity of seeing the lovely Johnny Borrell in the flesh for the second time, even daring to think that maybe this time he would actually hear me when I shouted "put your shirt back on, Wanker!" at him. But alas, it is not to be.....I dispatched my elf like minion Benjamina on a mission to ring the Railway for tickets and he discovered that they have sold out!!!!!!! Disaster! Benji is so upset and saddened by the news, that he has refused to do any work tonight. A shocking development, because as we all know, Mr. Poocock is an extremely dedicated student who doesn't let anything come between him and his work. So this news really has had a profound effect on him and shaken him right to his little Gayboy core! I don't know if he will ever recover. He may never do any work ever again.

Personally, I am not much better. I am currently in a state of mourning for what could have evening with the lovely, beautiful Johnny. Will be torture knowing that whilst I am slaving away at the Hut of Pizza, the holy shirtless one will be playing down the road. Oh so close, but yet so far! Tis truly a sad, sad day in the land of Kelly.

Currently listening : Up All Night By Razorlight Release date: 17 May, 2005

Texting Famous People (!)

02 Jun 2006

Well, what an eventful morning I have had, it all started last night in a quiet little pub in Winchester....

Whilst popping to the lavatory I discover a name on the wall scrawn with some kind of biro (could have been made by 'bic', this has not bee confirmed though). This name was a certain 'Andy Burrows', thats right kids, the drummer of Razorlight. Knowing that Sir Burrows was from Winchester and often 'hangs out' in this public house, I think that this message may well be real and true. Without giving too much away as to the message itself, I will let you into a little secret that thrusts this story onwards.... THERE WAS A PHONE NUMBER THERE!!! So, naturally I pop the phone number into my mobile under the name 'Andy Burrows?'

This morning I tell a dear friend of mine about this number. After some shrieking (and possible small hand claps that she often does) (the truth of the small hand clapping action has not been confirmed), we decide to text this number in a hope of meeting, snogging, and maybe marrying the cheeky Razorlight beat-keeper.

So, in a cunning, sly way I text this number saying "Hey mate! How are you!? Ain't spoken to you in a while, hope everything is ok! text me back!'

"Did he reply????!?!" I hear you scream...well yes, he indeed did.

"Who is this?" he barked back at me, possibly he didn't have my number in his contact list for some reason...

"it is Ben!" I hark back at him, hoping that he would indeed reveal that he is Andy Burrows, and maybe invite us round to listen to some stuff Johnny has been writing....

"Who do you want?" he requests, rather unfriendly I do think!

"Andy." (losing hope now) "have i got the wrong number? Oh dear" (losing the rest of my hope)

"Yeah, you have, sorry" he rejects us..... alas.... it either wasn't his phone, or he just thinks we are too cool for him to talk to us.... We didn't even get to shout at Borrell telling him to put his shirt back on, dammit.

But still I have the number in my phone 'Andy Burrows?' will always be my friend, and I shall show everyone I meet this famous person's number, I'm THAT cool.


The Train of the Hatred of Dissertations

10 Apr 2006

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not a lover of repetitive things, I'm not too keen on fads, or jokes that everyone seems to make (unless they are funny), but I'm am afraid I am going to have to join the train of hatred of dissertations and moan about them for the whole friggin' journey.

Well...Here's whats happening in the world of Benji's dissertation. Not much. I've seen far more interesting programmes of Rex Hunt Fishing that have more going on in them than my dissertation. To all those who are planning to do one in the coming years, oh how I feel sorry for you, really i do, but not as sorry as I am for myself, they are truly rubbish entities.

Today I decided to have a look at previous travellers on the train of hatred of the dissertation. Whilst reading through a few by the Cultural Studies office a man wanders up to the desk with a bounce in his step. My ears pricked up and my stomach slightly began to turn as I had a feeling that I knew why he was there..... He uttered those words... "I'm here to hand in my final dissertation" plonking 2 copies of the bounded, full whack dissertation on the table, I almost puked there and then all over them. Thats right people TWENTY TWO DAYS EARLY....... There's gotta be some kind of loser prison that some people need to be sent to for that kind of behaviour....

People give advice near the beginning of them saying 'if you get on with these early, it'll save so much stress later'. Personally, I think thats absolute LIES. If one did decide to start early, it only means that rather than havin just a couple of months of freakin out about it and thinking about it, they have a WHOLE DAMN YEAR to think about it. Now my friends, consider this....a year of boredom, no thank you. So, therefore I am happy that I have waited this long to get on with it.

Already I can smell the train of hatred of dissertations getting closer to its destination, this station is known as 'Completion'. It's a lovely town, full of joy, peace, beverages and happiness. It's going to be a wonderful day, and along with my fellow final years, I wait in anticipation for that day, the sun will truly shine and if my smile that day was food, it could feed Africa, fact.Anyway, any sympathetic words will be greatly receieved. And any ways to avoid doing the work, or ways of stayin focussed are warmly welcomed. Thank You for your time, the train of hatred of the dissertation continues, all aboard!


Recent Discoveries...

15 Mar 2006

Oh this world we live in, full of wonders and charm. Many-a-thing can be discovered in this world in our average daily lives, some fun, some scary, some enlightening, some good, some bad, some happy, some sad, some evil, some uplifting, some ultimatey crap, some ultimatey amazing, and some I have no opinion on them because they may be irrelvant...

1. 8p Tesco noodles are brilliant, stuff 'supernoodles' or such competitors, TESCO VALUE 8p noodles all the damn way, DO IT.

2. Cutting one's own hair is rarely a good idea. Even if one does plod around with hairdressing scissors ine ones back pocket in case of hair emergences, that does not mean that one can cut one's own hair.

3. Lost In Translation is a freekin' amazing film. OK, this has not been a recent discovery, yet what was a recent discovery is the answer to the age old quetion...'what does Bill Murray whisper in Scarlett Johansson's ear at the end?'Thats right my people, I know, and you don't, so in your face asswipes. Thanks to Kelly and the 63336, well worth a pound!

4. Listening to the motorway noise in the background as you try to get to sleep but fail miserably is possiby the most soothing thing in the world, serious encouragement in that activity is flooding out of me.

5.If you think hard enough, water tastes like anything you want it to be (coca-cola, squash, apple juice).

6. Only a few more months and I will no longer be a student bound to poverty. Thank goodness for the real world, ready to take hold of us and remove us from this bubble of filth we have resided in for 3 years, thrusting us into a new student life, where we actually have money and real things to be getting on with, oh the prospects! Los Angeles and Bradford calls my name and I embrace them both with loving arms! (how poetic, enjoy that).


Oh deary me...

17 Dec 2005

Well, I am currently ashamed to be British and a TV License owner (well, im not a TV license owner, but i watch TV.....please don't tell....).

Coming in this evening after a delightful day at a wedding of two dear friends of mine, i settle down to watch yet another nail munching hour of X Factor. I generally love the X Factor to simply 'critique' each contestant's performance, as it is my own personal time to hurl abuse/bricks at the telly, and persuade myself that I am better than them all. This is a brilliant way to spend a Saturday evening, I'm sure everyone agrees.....(you'd better agree).

However, THIS evenings showing is different......this evenings show is of course, the GRAND FINALE....!! Excitement builds as i warm up two mince pies and get the kettle on, will Andy (dustman) win? Or Journey South (two homo- i mean two men)? or how about Shayne? my goodness, i was touching cloth wanting to know the result......After the massive build up, making us hold our breaths for what seemed like 40 seconds (was actually only 37 seconds), they declare that the winner is Shayne!

Now, well done Shayne, Manchester boy (what is it with accents?! All i want is a normal Southerner to win who speaks without an accent to win, its not fair!) will now release his single to the ge- .....................oh no......he's releasing a single folks, thats rite.......

By Wednesday this shocking single will be released to the British public to attempt to be Christmas No.1 . And what is worse, they are CHARGING people for the CD! That's right, you have to pay money to get the CD! My goodness, i wouldn't even RECIEVE money to buy that pile of dog faeces, let alone PAY FOR IT!!!!!

Here is my plea, don't let yourself be scammed into thinking that this is a great guy who is really genuine, and has a brilliant voice and wants to be himself.. He is a marketted fiend. Oh dear, he has basically sold his soul to Satan himself (Simon Cowell). So, no don't buy 'eat my goal' or 'eat my face', or 'eat my poo' or 'my song is poo'....... (i can't remember it's title, something like that). instead, buy the JCB song by Nizlopi, whether you love it or hate it, out of all the songs going for Christmas No.1, it is clearly the best.


Have a good Christmas anyway!


Beautiful Boxers

31 Oct 2005

Wow, for the first time today, I have purchased my own pairs of boxer shorts..... Qutie an exciting time for all, as previously, I have only recieved these essential items of clothing as presents for Christmas and birthdays, but now, oh now I step into a new era of life, BUYING MY OWN UNDERWEAR...I do encourage it, especially as you truly get what boxers you want, it's fantastic, tomorrow I know will be a good day as I will be certain that I am happy in my underwear, smiles galore! oh yes..



28 Jul 2005

Oh how IKEA is a beautiful place, very yellow and blue...

£30 for a desk
£1.70 for 100 tea lights (yes, thats ONE HUNDRED CANDLES!)
£5 for a rockin' throw (not throwing a rock, i mean a really nice throw, i'm so ghetto)

My advice for you all.... go there...spend money...spend loads