Observing human behaviour in the Bracknell area

Alas! I was ill today... But hooray! That means no work for me, and another chance to not only add a new post to the blog, but discuss an observation I have made today.

Due to my illness (no, it's not AIDs, just a headache)-(no, I haven't been sticking my head up any one's bum)-(no, nobody has stuck their head up MY bum either)-(no bums and no heads are involved!).

Anyway, due to being a bit ill, I went to the doctor, as any upstanding citizen would do. However, little did I realise that even those who are not such an upstanding citizens still go to the doctors! Whilst I was sitting waiting for my name to flash up on the screen, a young lady strolled in a took a seat in her bright red puffer jacket, whilst her two delightful offspring barged into the room and proceeded to smash the whole place up. After a couple of minutes I learn the toddlers names as the mother screams out 'HOLZ!!! CONNOR!!! Get 'ere NAH!'... Holz and Connor, I'm guessing Holz is short for Hollie (as I doubt she would name her child holiday, although you never know these days with Chavs). I don't think you can get more stereotypically dregg-ish names if you tried...

I spent the next 20 minutes observing this wonderful Bracknell-ite in her natural environment, her kids running amok, playing with her tongue piercing with her teeth, and chatting really loudly on her phone, brilliant stuff. Terms such as 'PACK IT IN!' and 'DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOU AGAIN!' were shouted through gritted teeth as she made a weak attempted to discipline her children subtly. And it wasn't just the mother that provided fantastic entertainment! Connor would be smashing his hands against the walls shouting all kinds of things at passers by, as Holz would be picking up any 'waiting room toy' she could lay her hands on, before launching it at a)the floor; b)the wall; c)her mum; and d)her little brother.

Before you ask, don't worry I was safely dodging noddy figurines as they flew passed my face, and I did cover my mouth to prevent inhalation of any chav-germs. All-in-all, very productive day of chav-observation.

Benji


full name on screen.

For some reason, when the creator of this restaurant was thinking about names for their establishment, they thought that this would be a good idea............................. unbelievable (yet comedic).

Incase you are wanting to go to this place , here's the address:

Gaylord Tandoori

26 London Road

Twyford

Reading

RG10 9ER

Go there, get a picture, go home again, laugh at the picture with mates, done.

Health and Fitness

There is something mysteriously marvellous about those items that you will never use, yet excite the soul to such a degree that the word 'SALE' whips your body into a chaotic frenzy, and before you can say 'bargain', you're fitting the stupid over sized, magnetic treadmill into your car.

What have I done.....!? I've given into the stereotypical mindset of thinking '2008, the year of health and fitness!' and bought a piece of exercise equipment. Now, I can barely stand up in my room as it shines in all its massive glory, begging for me to touch it, to have a 'jog' on it, and generally enjoy it's company. But alas! Two days of ownership and already and I sitting in front of my computer bumming around avoiding looking at it, whilst hanging dirty laundry on it's protruding arms...

I've even positioned it so that whilst I run, I can stare out of my window looking at the world around me, the free world I could be jogging in, if I wasn't such a lazy bum being a wimp to the cold and rain outside.

At least it's got an electronic 'calorie buster counter', so I make that 1-0 to the Benjmeister against the world of health :o)

Things That Make Me Happy/Smile...

22 Mar 2007

Hearing a song that I love on that radio.

Having dinner cooked for me.

Finding that the hot water bottle is still warm, when I wake up at 3am, 4 hours after I filled it up.

Unexpected presents.

Ciaran.

Finding money that I didn't realise I had.

The Mighty Boosh.

Laughing so hard that I can't breath and think I might actually die.

Family Guy.

Finding something that I really wanted, in a sale.

Going on holiday.

'Girl From Mars' by Ash.

Chocolate chip shortbread from the canteen at work. It is lush!

Watching videos we made at uni.

Taking pictures.

Reading a good book.

Seeing my friends.

Lie-ins.

School holidays.

'Can't Stand Me Now' by The Libertines.

Making people laugh.

Northern Irish accents.

Isle of Wight Festival.

Beautiful Dance Whores,

Indie Night at Porters.

Shopping.

'Let's Stick Together' by Roxy Music.

Feeding the ducks.

Snow.

Singing loudly and dancing around the house when I am the only one in.

Christmas films.

Top 100..." list shows.

Getting letters from my friends.

Air conditioning in my room when I am on holiday.

Cocktails.

Looking after Sam.

New Comments/messages/picture comments on myspace.

Wikipedia.

Text messages.

My graduation hoody.

Praise.

Waking up and not having to get out of bed right away.

Winning at Trivial Pursuit.

Anadin.

Pay day.

Winchester.

Having something to look forward to.

Babies.

Wearing flip flops in the summer.

Walking on the grass with bare feet.

Water fights.

Finally finding a photo where I think I look good.

Neck massages.

IMDB.

Moist cake.

Giving people presents.

Buying new vinyl.

Long, hot showers.

Gary Lightbody.

Talking on the phone for hours with Chantal about absolutely nothing.

Having a shimmy with friends to a song that we love.

Seeing The Flaming Lips play live.

The Happy Dance.

Drinking Games.

Cold custard.

Cold rice pudding.

My flat when it is clean and tidy.

BBC 6 Music.

Camping at festivals with my friends.

Reading post secret.

Seeing True Swamp Neglect play live, and feeling all proud of Ciaran.

Hearing my neighbours argue.

Karl Pilkington.

Debating the ''monkey/typewriter' thing with Benji.

Finishing work on a Friday.

Compliments.

Quoting films/songs/tv programmes with friends.

Wetherspoons.

Managing to pot a ball whilst playing pool.

Getting questions right in quiz games.

Memories of West Downs.

BBC2 and Channel 4.

My dogs.

Mucking around in the swimming pool on holiday.

My rock n roll glasses.

My quiff.






Kelly




Currently listening : Standing in the Way of Control By Gossip Release date: 24 January, 2006

The Flaming Lips

11 Nov 2006

Went to see The Flaming Lips at the BIC on 5th November, and it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaazzzzzzzziiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wayne went over the audience in a big ball, they had dancing aliens and Santas on stage, a brilliant cover of 'Bohemian Rhapsody' and an endless supply of balloons and streamers/confettii!!!! What more could you ask for?!

Its the second time I have seen them. I thought they were great the first time, but this time they were even better, if thats possible!!!

I order you all to go and see them!!! And take heed of what Wayne says, cos the man is a God!!!! Go!!!! Hurry!!!! Now!!!!!!!

Kelly

Currently listening : She Don't Use Jelly By The Flaming Lips Release date: 07 October, 1993

All Good Things Must Come To An End...

04 Jun 2006

Well, its finally happened, the sad day has come. I am no longer a student, and its really quite upsetting.

My last week as a tax dodger was spent bashing out two essays, revising for an exam on Friday. So when I got to the end of the week, I thought that I would feel relieved or maybe happy that it was over. But oddly, I just feel a bit empty.

My exam was 3 hours long, and I left half an hour early, because I had written everything I could, and thought that I had done enough. Not sure if that is a good thing or not, but it's done now, so no going back. So, I raised my hand to say I had finished, got up, grabbed my bag, and sadly walked out of the room, only to find myself unable to open the door, and knowing that everyone was looking at me. Damnit!!! Why isn't 'entering and exitng a room in a cool manner' a module choice?! Then I walked out of West Downs for what may be the last time. And it made me sad. Thats where it all started, and thats where it was ending! So many happy memories, I want to go back and do it all over again! But obviously I can't, so i'm just going to relive a few of them here!

Firstly, there was my amazing first year as a resident of House 9. I remember feling sick with nerves the night before I moved in, babbling things like "What if i don't like them?" or "What if they don't like ME?!" But, i got there, and i loved them, and they thought i was alright, and now I don't know how I ever lived without them...

In the words of Leslie, House 9 was full of "good times, good times". Evenings spent in Ruthio's room. Being chucked out of Ruthio's room for making too much noise. Hanging out of my bedroom window and chucking wet blobs of toilet tissue at Ruthio's window below. The Robcakes/Benji's guitar hostage situation. Robcakes in general. The first game of centurion. Leslie vomitting on Emma's bedroom window. The mystery of the stolen paddling pool. The painting of our notice board. Donning aprons and stealing Ben's food but being caught. Trying to put the microwave in Ben's cupboards and getting caught. Water fights, being told "enough!" by the wardens. Dressing up and waiting around with Hannahbelle, Beckaroo and Leslie for Andy for 3 hours with water balloons only to miss him completely and waste the balloons! Me, Becky and Hannah deciding one evening to 'wear all our clothes at once', then taking an outing to the laundrette, only to turn the corner and be confronted by the football and rugby teams, at which point myself and Becky ran away home leaving Hannah to face the music, wearing her pants and bra over the brightest clothes imaginable. Benji decalring "I want to have Justin's babies!". Persuading Benji not go to his letures and to stay at home to watch Bo Selecta. Water fights. Drinking games. Being sick in the street, and using leaves as tissues. Scaling statues and riding horses. Guildhall. Moloko's flavoured vodka. "Benji loves House 9 like a fat kid loves cakes". Basically, one of the best years ever.

Then came year 2, my year as a squatter in the Wykham Terrace lounge. More drinking games. Having Mike jump on my head. Guild on a Monday night. Hangovers on a Tuesday morning. BBQs. Laughing at the atrocious 5 a side team (well done for trying boys). Dirty housemates. Stolen trainers (which i still haven't got back. Bastards.) Acoustic nights at the union. Meeting the lovely Colin. And getting tattoo's on a whim.

And finally, the 3rd year. Where i was again officially living back in Winchester, and loving it! Flinty and Marcus, Channel 69. Indie Pothouse. A poster of the lovechild of Gerry Adams and King Alfred in our lounge. Extreme balancing. Setting up camp in the library to finish our dissertations. 'Girl From Mars' campaign. Fireworks in our garden. A bar in my bedroom. Toxic cocktails. Myself and Ben's realisation that we are pretty damn funny. Gerry Adams' beard. And Scotland flags.

And thats only just the stuff I can remember off the top of my head!

But sadly, its got to come to an end sometime, and unfortunately that time is now. What can I say? It's been amazing, but this is only the beginning.

I love you bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Kelly



Currently listening : Chocolate By Snow Patrol Release date: 12 April, 2004

Easter Holidays and Dissertations...

18 Apr 2006

Four weeks off of Uni, and what have I done with them? Nothing.

My Easter break has been a blur of face painting, balloon modelling and writing my dissertation. I managed to write 4,000 in two days, whilst surounded by screaming children, which is rather impressive, seeing as though it took me a year to actually start it and write a 2,000 word introduction.

So! Now I'm just over half way through, and I'm stuck, which could be a bit of a problem, as I have 4,000 more words to go. But hopefully it'll all work itself out in the end....

And that's about it! Haven't really done much else with my time, which is rather sad. But it does mean that I should have quite a bit of money to keep me going through the 'D Day' celebrations on the 2nd May when we give in our dissertations. Oh, how I look forward to it! I'm tired of exams, and essays and seminars with retards. But most of all, I'm tired of being poor.

In other 'news', I celebrated the 1st anniversary of my 21st birthday, which was rather nice.

But even more exciting is the fact that I am now the proud owner of a Vince Noir-esque hat!!! Its is truly beautiful. I spotted it in Monsoon and couldn't stop thinking about it! That really is rather shallow of me, but hey, it is a lovely hat. It has shells on it and ev'ryfink! And Ben says that he is going to buy a hat too and we can wear our beautiful hats together at Isle Of Wight! Oh, how lovely it will be. Sexy hats galore! Roll on 8th June!

Kelly


Currently listening : Eyes Open By Snow Patrol Release date: 09 May, 2006